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"It's hard when you don't know what causes your sadness but it feels worse when you know what makes you happy, yet you can't do anything to have it."
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Gotta be awake in 4.5 hours time to catch the 630 flight to Bangkok tmr with my mum!! So excited I can't sleep! July has been an awesome month, super thankful for everything! And also for my silly friends like aly and wz who wanted to surprise me at the airport :") received wishes for a safe trip frm my lovely friends tho its gonna be just 4 days :") feeling so loved and happy and excited now:) I want to store all these emotions in a jar forever! I'll label it Joylynn's own rainbows and unicorns and twinkly stars in a jar. :))))
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- Location:1.3154,103.8700
This shall be a painful reminder of how weak and stupid i feel right now. How painful it is to present nothing but disappointment to my loved ones. How stupid it is to be able to do nothing but to see failure being spelt out as all hopes and dreams are being crushed. I promise to try and never let this soon to be history repeat itself.
No matter how hard and painful the truth is, it will eventually sink in I guess. Always been this way anyway hasn't it. Don't know what to expect of the future. It's kinda bleak. Different environment, different life from everybody, all alone. Am i strong and independent enough? Did i make the right decision? Can I handle it? Will i fit in? Will i stay focused? Don't know how to tell others, how they will think of me. Will they be able to handle the disappointment and heartbreak? Will they judge? Will they despise? Will they drift away? Will they leave? All I know now is fuck this. Come what may. I'll survive somehow, alone or not, I have to.
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Time and distance are very scary things.
Promise me you'll stay close, don't go.
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Born on independence day for a reason, so since when did I become gradually dependent on others. Come on suck it up, force it down. But still, I'm thankful for the pillars of support around me, especially the one that gave words which moved me during that stupid rash weak moment when I just had to rant it out.
Oh and happy birthday C, here's to 10 years and counting of friendship and marriage hahaha. Hope our Christian faith will become even stronger as we grow older:)
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I deserve this. Suck it up. And I need some alcohol right now for me to get wasted enough to forget this very moment.
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Had mother's day lunch at marche today. I'm already missing their pasta, pizza and rosti. Sobs wanna go back and eat them again right now. Happy mother's day mummy! you're my superman and superwoman, all in one. <3
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